all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
