Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
