where am i from again
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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