No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
