How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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