Already got asked if we're dating
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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