Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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