He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
