if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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