But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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