He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
