I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
