i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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