I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
