Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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