The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
