I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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