he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
