and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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