whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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