M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
