I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
