I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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