so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
