Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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