I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
