i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
