So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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