She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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