i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
