is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
