Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
