bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
