ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
