How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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