I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My ass is underappreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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