guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
