i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
