I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
