I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
