I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Found the puke drawer
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
