1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
