Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
