direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
