Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
