I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
