I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
