I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
