I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
