Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
