Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you win again, gameday.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
