I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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