Duck Duck Cougar?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
