Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
