I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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