So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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