i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
