Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
