I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
