Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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