In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
