I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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Are we still banned from the library?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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