I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
