well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
