My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
