Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I skipped work to stalk him.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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