in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
